


And Tell Me Now Where Was My Fault?

by AceLotti



Series: Mumford Fics [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, only mentions of sex in the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-18 22:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLotti/pseuds/AceLotti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Because I love you, remember?” Stiles coughed again. “You may have broken my heart, but I still love you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Tell Me Now Where Was My Fault?

_______________________________________________________________________

_Can you lie next to him_

_and give him your heart, your heart?_

_As well as your body_

_______________________________________________________________________

He pressed the younger boy up against the door. “Did anyone see you?” he growled, his body vibrating with energy. The boy shook his head and he nodded in satisfaction, but he made no move to pull away. The boy huffed.

 

“You know YOU called me to come here,” Stiles said, trying to fix Derek with a glare. “Demanded even, almost like you missed me,” Derek’s glower didn’t even flicker. 

 

“I saw you yesterday, I didn’t miss you,” Derek said. “You know why I called you...”

 

“Yeah yeah, you were horny,” Stiles rolled his eyes. “Are we doing it against the door or are you going to un pin me so that we can go upstairs?” Derek glared as Stiles - this _kid_ \- bossed him around. Pack were supposed to respect their Alphas. Of course, Stiles was no wolf, he didn’t actually _have_ to obey anyone. Derek pulled back and turned his back to Stiles, leading the way up the stairs to his bedroom. Stiles reached to take his hand, and Derek stared at it silently until Stiles quickly tore it away. They reached his room and Derek pulled his shit up over his head.

 

“Derek?” Stiles spoke quietly, watching him as he stood in the middle of the room. 

 

“Close the door Stiles.” Stiles sighed and Derek could hear the stutter in his heart just before the door clicked shut. 

_______________________________________________________________________

_And can you lie next to him_

_and confess your love, your love?_

_As well as your folly_

_______________________________________________________________________

Derek yelled out as Stiles bit down on his shoulder, clenching around his length, fisting his hair. He could feel a warmth between their bellies as Stiles came between them. He wasn’t ready yet however, and he thrust harder and harder into Stiles until heat pooled inside of him and he felt his claws come out. He punctured holes in the mattress as he came into Stiles, opening his eyes to see how wrecked the boy beneath him was. He slid out and collapsed to on the other side of the bed, breathing heavily, feeling droplets of sweat fall from his brow onto the bed. Next to him, Stiles’ heart still raced, his breathing labored. They both smelled of sweat and sex. 

 

“Derek?” Stiles finally asked. His heart did an odd stammer, not the usual beat that Derek was used to after they would have sex. Derek grunted in response. Stiles waited, quietly, turning over his question in his mind. Derek could practically feel the cogs in Stiles’ head clicking away. “Can I stay?” 

 

His voice wasn’t quiet or insecure. It was the same tone of voice he used earlier when he told Derek they should go upstairs. Confident. Derek had to restrain from looking over to him. He had never asked that before. Usually, they had sex, they’d clean up, and Stiles would leave. Get in that god forsaken Jeep and drive back home. Derek hadn’t expected this at all. 

 

“You shouldn’t,” Derek said. It was as good as no. He saw Stiles nod out of the corner of his eyes and felt a shift in the bed as Stiles got up and went to the bathroom. He closed his eyes and lied back as he heard the water run in the sink. He’s shower when Stiles left, change the sheets, get something to eat. 

 

Derek’s eyes stayed closed as Stiles left the bathroom and shuffled around the rom, putting clothes on. He was uncharacteristically quiet, and Derek wondered idly what the boy was thinking about that had his lips closed shut. He heard the bedroom door open.

 

“Derek?” This time his voice was uncertain, but Derek didn’t look up, didn’t even open his eyes.

 

“ _What_ Stiles?” Stiles took a breath. 

 

“I’m not doing this anymore.” When Derek registered what Stiles said and finally looked up, the boy was gone.

_______________________________________________________________________

_And can you kneel before the king_

_And say I'm clean, I'm clean_

_______________________________________________________________________

A month. Thirty one whole days had passed and Derek hadn’t even caught a whiff of Stiles. The pack didn’t talk about him, of course they had no reason to. None of them knew about Stiles and Derek’s arrangement. He had even gone to one of Isaac’s lacrosse games, sat with Erica and Boyd, but the number 24 was nowhere to be seen. 

 

“He quit,” Erica said. Derek looked over at her with a questioning look. “Stiles? He quit, about a month ago. Poor guy was a mess and no one knows why.”

 

“Probably realized the whole Lydia thing was pointless and shut down...” Boyd said before whistling loudly as Isaac made a goal right before the final buzzer. Derek handed Erica the keys to his car and said he’d be back soon, shoving his hands in his pockets and making his way on foot down the main road. 

 

He’s done the climb a hundred times, but tonight was different and he stood underneath Stiles’ bedroom window and waited, looking up at the darkly lit room. Clearly, only his desk lamp was on. And his father wasn’t home, so Derek knew Stiles wouldn’t really go to sleep until the Sheriff was home safe. He climbed up the side of the house and knelt down on the ledge outside Stiles’ window, tapping on the glass. 

 

Stiles looked up from his desk instantly. But seeing Derek there, his face fell and he turned back to his computer, plugging in his headphones and covering his ears. Derek groaned and hit his head on the glass. 

 

“Stiles, open the window,” he said, but the boy ignored him. Derek let out one of his claws and forced it under the window jam, unlocking the window and pulling it up. 

 

“What do you WANT Derek?” his voice was strained. Was he crying?

 

“Where have you been?” Derek asked, sitting on the ledge. 

 

“What do you care?” Stiles asked venomously. Derek’s brow furrowed. “I told you I was done, Derek.”

 

“I heard you. You needed space...”

 

“I needed _you_.”

_______________________________________________________________________

_But tell me now where was my fault,_

_in loving you with my whole heart?_

_______________________________________________________________________

“I can’t just be your fuck buddy anymore Derek,” Stiles said. “I’m sick of being cast out of bed, of ignored unless your dick needed me.”

 

“You didn’t have a problem before...” Derek said, frowning. 

 

“I’m sick of not being loved in return,” Stiles shouted and it startled Derek. _Loved_? “I deserve better than this, and I hate that it’s taken me so long to realize it, but it’s true. I. Deserve. Better.” He walked across the room shoving at Derek, trying to push him back out the window. 

 

“Stiles I...”

 

“You what?” Stiles glared. “You don’t love me Derek, you barely care about me. All I was good for was a decent fuck and research on the supernatural. You probably didn’t even realize I was gone.” Derek looked down at his shoes, sighing before swinging his legs out the window. 

 

“I didn’t know.” And then he was gone. Stiles slammed his window shut and the glass shatters into a million pieces. Derek could smell the salt of Stiles’ tears all the way back to his house. 

_______________________________________________________________________

_You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink_

_You desired my attention, but denied my affections, my affections_

_______________________________________________________________________

“You know this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t have your head so far up your ass,” Isaac said to Derek over dinner a few weeks later. Derek looks up at him questioningly, but Isaac just calmly slurps his soup. 

 

“Excuse me?” Derek asks, his eyebrows raised. “What are you talking about?” 

 

“You were taking him for granted, of course he was going to snap,” Isaac said. He smirked into his soup. “Did you really think you were keeping it a secret Derek?” 

 

“Well...” Yes, obviously he _had_ thought he was keeping a secret. 

 

“Look,” Isaac put his fork down. “I know you’re all mister “trust no one” but you need Stiles. And not just to screw with or to get information from. He makes everyone around him a better person. You may not have noticed, but you were a better alpha back when he was around here all the time. Now you’re just a grump and frankly, it’s annoying.”

 

“Isaac!” He couldn’t just talk to him like that! Derek was his Alpha! Isaac shrugged though and cleared his place, putting his dishes in the sink. 

 

“Just...think about it Derek,” Isaac said. “All you originally wanted was the sex, but things have changed, and you saw it and closed down your walls and pushed Stiles away when you should have been embracing him.”

 

“I don’t love him Isaac,” Derek said. “That’s not fair to Stiles.”

 

“You’re not even open to the opportunity of loving him,” Isaac shook his head. “You need to let down your walls. Then you can try and get Stiles back, if he still wants you.”

_______________________________________________________________________

_Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life_

_______________________________________________________________________

It was another two months before it came up again. But this time, the last thing on his mind was his non-existant relationship with Stiles. 

 

A territory battle had begun between Derek’s pack and another, older and larger pack. For weeks there was the exchanging of threats, vicious looks, warnings that if the opposing pack didn’t back off, there would be hell to pay. Derek stood his ground though, laying low. 

 

That was, until Stiles came running into the Hale house, his forehead bleeding from a nasty gash, screaming that he and Erica and Scott had been attacked, that Erica was unconscious but safe at Deaton’s, and that Scott was holding off the enemy pack alone until they could get there. 

 

Stiles had followed along, useful just as much as a hinderance. Boyd gave him an aluminum baseball bat as a weapon, just in case. Two hours later, Derek’s pack had seemingly won. Isaac looked over to Boyd, a victorious grin on his face. Scott was kneeling by a tree, examining his wounds with one hand, the other holding the phone that was on the other line with Deaton, checking on Erica. Derek looked around and frowned.

 

“Where’s Stiles?” The group looked around. Nothing. “Stiles!” 

 

“Over...here...” Derek heard it, a small gasp and it struck fear through him. The other wolves heard it too, and they ran to Stiles’ aid. Derek could smell the blood, a coppery undertone in the air as he found Stiles lying motionless against a an unburied root. Derek ran to his side and knelt down, examining the wounds. Blood poured from claw marks in his chest, his leg was most definitely broken, one of his eyes was swollen shut. 

 

Derek wasn’t sure they’d make it to the hospital in time. 

 

“The big one...” Stiles gasped out, Derek could  hear one of his lungs wasn’t working right. Probably collapsed. But surely that wouldn’t keep Stiles from talking. “Was....right behind...you,” he started to cough, blood dribbled from his lip. “Brained him...with the bat...he...didn’t like that...” Derek bowed his head. Of course Stiles would get hurt protecting Derek of all people. 

 

“I called 9-1-1, they’re coming,” Scott said. “I...should I call his dad?”

 

“No,” Stiles said, trying to sit up. But Derek put a hand on his shoulder laying him back on the grass. Derek turned to Scott and nodded, before going back to Stiles. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah Stiles I’m fine...” Derek frowned, his chest clenching. “Why couldn’t you just stay put? You would have been safe where I put you...”

 

“That guy was going to rip your throat out,” Stiles said, wheezing. Far away, Derek heard the ambulance, but it would be another few minutes before it got close enough. Isaac and Boyd went out to the main road to flag the ambulance down. 

 

“Why,” Derek asked desperately. His hand was on Stiles’ wrist, feeling his pulse slow. “Why would you risk your life to make sure I’d live?” Despite the fact he was maybe minutes from death, Stiles smiled.

 

“Because I love you, remember?” Stiles coughed again. “You may have broken my heart, but I still love you.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Derek found himself saying. “Stiles I’m so so sorry...” Stiles shook his head, but then his good eye fluttered shut and Derek felt the pause in his pulse. “Stiles!” Derek moved quickly, starting CPR just as Isaac and Boyd returned with the paramedics. “Stiles stay with me. Stay with me okay, don’t you fucking die on me, wake up.” Isaac, Boyd, and Scott all had to pull Derek away from him so the paramedics could take Stiles to the hospital. 

_______________________________________________________________________

_But tell me now where was my fault,_

_______________________________________________________________________

“You should go see him,” Erica said from the door to Derek’s bedroom. Derek was reading, but he was distracted, and he had read the same line a dozen times. He didn’t look up to Erica though. “They don’t think he’s going to make it...every time he stabilizes, he crashes again.” Derek could tell Erica had been crying. He had heard her over the last couple of days. “Scott told Stiles’ dad everything...it wouldn’t be weird for you to show up...” Derek still didn’t look at her and Erica sighed, turning to leave. But then he heard her heart beat pick up in anger. “You know I want you to think about something...” Erica stomped across the room and tore the book out of his hand, forcing him to look at her. “Stiles is going to die. His heart is going to stop beating and his poor father is going to have to burry him in the ground and all because Stiles is in love with you.”

 

“Erica...”

 

“No. I need you to think about it. He’s not going to be around anymore. We’re not going to hear him talk constantly, he’s not going to come running in telling us some useless piece of information that will later be helpful. He’s not going to come bursting through the walls in his Jeep to save the day. He’s going to be gone and the LEAST you can do Derek Hale...” She was full on crying again, tears streaming down her cheeks. “The least you can do is go and tell him how you really, truly feel. Because I know you care about him.” And as quickly as she stromed in, she stormed out, slamming Derek’s door with a loud crack. Derek stared at the broken door for a minute. 

 

“Shit...” And he was out the door, running to the hospital. 

 

“I was wondering when you’d show up.” Derek froze in the hallway as Sheriff Stilinski spoke, startling him. Derek turned, suddenly sheepish, breathing heavily after running non stop. “Stiles has asked for you each time he’s woken up.”

 

“I...” the sheriff held up a hand. Derek looked at him with a frown. Stiles’ father looked older than normal, worn and tired. Being told your son is probably going to die most likely put a lot of stress on a man. 

 

“Scott told me.” he said. “They’ve just stabilized him again.”

 

“Can I...get you anything?” Derek asked. The Sheriff shook his head. 

 

“No...no I’m going to go for a walk,” his voice betrayed how broken he felt. Derek knew how he felt, having your whole family taken away from you. “You should sit with him, I...” he swallowed. “I think he’s been waiting for you.” 

 

Derek made his way into the room. It smelled of antiseptic and medicine and blood. The bandages on Stiles’ chest were fresh. Derek sat in the chair that was on the side of his bed. “Stiles?”

 

“You’re late,” Derek looked up to see Stiles smiling at him. “They figured me dead yesterday...” 

 

“Sorry...” Derek said, biting his lip. “Are you in pain?”

 

“No,” Stiles said, but Derek could hear his lie. His breathing was still labored and Derek wondered if his lungs were working right. He felt his hand slide into Stiles’. “Oh geez I’ve wanted you to do that forever and you wait till I’m on the brink of death? You suck Derek...” 

 

“Hold your hand?” Derek asked. 

 

“Care,” Stiles sighed. The sigh must have pained him because he winced, his face screwing up in agony and his hands clenching. Derek squeezed his hand back and scooted his chair closer. 

 

“I do care Stiles,” Derek said. “I wish I had realized sooner...but I do. I’m so sorry I hurt you...this is all my fault.” 

 

“It’s okay Derek,” Stiles said quietly, Derek could feel him getting tired. “It’s okay, I forgive you.”

 

“Why would you do that?” Derek asked. 

 

“Because I love you you idiot,” he smiled again and Derek’s stomach clenched. He pressed his forehead to Stiles’, cupping his face in his hands. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” Derek said quietly, repeating himself over and over. 

 

“You need to be nicer to the pups, they’re only teenagers,” Stiles said quietly. “And you have to watch out for Scott, even if he hates you for it. Because he needs you. And you need to teach Erica to drive. She can borrow the Jeep from my dad...” A lump built in Derek’s throat. “And my dad...oh god he’s going to be alone...”

 

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Derek said quietly. “Stiles you need to fight okay? You can’t...I can’t...don’t leave.” Stiles eyes were closing, he was getting tired, and Derek wondered if he’d ever see them open again. Fear struck through him and he leaned closer to him. 

 

“I’m just going to take a nap, these drugs kick my ass.” Stiles mumbled and Derek nodded. 

 

“I’ll come back tonight,” Derek said.

 

“That’s nice,” Stiles replied, and Derek wondered if Stiles already knew. If his father was right, and Stiles was just waiting for Derek, to make their peace before Stiles had his. Derek kissed the top of his head. The Sheriff was back in the hall, waiting. Derek stood up and squeezed Stiles’ hands, feeling actual physical pain in leaving Stiles now. But his father needed to be the one with him right now. 

 

“Goodbye Derek,” Stiles said quietly as Derek was halfway out the room. His chest clenched and he almost lost his control right there.  

 

“I’ll be back soon Stiles,” he said, still trying to hold hope. Stiles smiled softly, but then his eyes dropped and he fell back asleep. “I love you.”

 

That night during dinner with the pack, the table was stone quiet. they barely ate, the four of them deciding to only stare at their plates. Erica’s cell vibrated on the table and the pack jumped, startled from their stupors. Shakily, Erica answered Scott’s call. No one needed werewolf hearing to know what happened after hearing Erica wail the way she did, dropping her phone and collapsing against Derek’s chest in a fit of tears. He felt Boyd and Isaac come nearer to them and wrap around each other in comfort. 

 

Derek bowed his head, tears falling from his eyes as he embraced the others, his heart spilling with regret and longing as it tore in two with the loss of the only person who ever really could love him for who he was. 

_______________________________________________________________________

_in loving you with my whole heart?_

_______________________________________________________________________

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons. 
> 
> It absolutely tore my heart open to write this fic, I hope it gave you as many feelings as it gave me.


End file.
